what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Thu Sep 14, 2017 10:13 pm

I'm directing a cowboy film called The Sun.

It's set in the west.

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If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Ringdrotten on Sat Sep 16, 2017 9:38 pm

azriel wrote:I'm directing a cowboy film called The Sun.

It's set in the west.

lol!

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by chris63 on Thu Sep 21, 2017 3:52 am

Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Eldorion on Thu Sep 21, 2017 10:21 pm

azriel wrote:I filled my car with petrol last night.

Bit stupid really, most of it poured out when I opened the door.

:facepalm:

{{{Laughing}}}
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Thu Sep 21, 2017 10:23 pm

Very Happy

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If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Thu Sep 21, 2017 10:28 pm

News just in:



Someone has been killed with a starter pistol !!!



Police think it might be race related..............

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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Thu Sep 21, 2017 10:29 pm

My mate just phoned me to tell me he had changed his name by deed poll to "Spinal Column".



"Can I call you back?" I asked

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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Thu Sep 21, 2017 10:30 pm

Two chaps dressed in armour walk into a hotel lobby.



One says, "A room for two knights please

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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Thu Sep 21, 2017 10:42 pm

BREAKING: A man who took an airline to court after losing his luggage has lost his case.

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If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Wed Oct 04, 2017 10:17 pm

I suffer from diarrhoea

My father suffers from diarrhoea as did his father



Runs in the family

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If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Wed Oct 04, 2017 10:21 pm

My uncle had his tongue shot off in WW2..
He doesn't talk about it tho.

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"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by chris63 on Wed Nov 29, 2017 2:29 am


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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by chris63 on Wed Nov 29, 2017 3:43 am

Jonathan Ross was arrested this morning for stealing kitchen utensils.

He said it was a whisk worth taking.

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by chris63 on Wed Nov 29, 2017 3:44 am

A teacher asked her class to name things that ended with 'tor', that ate things.
The first little boy said, "Alligator."
"Very good James, that's a big word."
The second boy said, "Predator."
"Yes, that's another big word Josh,. Very well done."
Little Johnny says, "Vibrator."
After nearly falling off her chair, the teacher says, "That is a big word Johnny, but it doesn't
eat anything."
"Well my sister has one and she says it eats batteries like there's no tomorrow!

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by chris63 on Wed Nov 29, 2017 3:51 am

My parents were midgets, all there life they struggled to put food on the table.


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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by chris63 on Wed Nov 29, 2017 3:55 am

Went to the sperm clinic earlier.
The lady asked if I'd like to masturbate in the cup?

I said 'I'm good but I'm not ready for competition yet'

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Wed Nov 29, 2017 7:11 pm

Laughing Laughing Laughing

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"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Eru on Sun Dec 03, 2017 7:01 am

Thish thread hash been bleshed by Eru. drunken

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Manwe Sulimo on Sun Dec 03, 2017 7:02 am

Praishe bee! drunken
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Wed Dec 06, 2017 9:18 pm

Found a mass grave today, full of melted snowmen,
"Dave" shouted my wife, "Come away from that pond!"


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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Wed Dec 06, 2017 9:26 pm

I'm loving my Oscar Pistorius Advent Calendar made by Smirnoff.

There's a shot behind every door.

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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by malickfan on Wed Dec 06, 2017 9:32 pm

Laughing :facepalm:

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The Thorin: An Unexpected Rewrite December 2012 (I was on the money apparently)
The Tauriel: Desolation of Canon December 2013 (Accurate again!)
The Sod-it! : Battling my Indifference December 2014 (You know what they say, third time's the charm)

Well, that was worth the wait wasn't it  Suspect


I think what comes out of a pig's rear end is more akin to what Peejers has given us-Azriel 20/9/2014
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by chris63 on Thu Dec 07, 2017 7:32 am

I finally met someone online who shares my fetish for urinating on dried fruit.
We're going on a date next week !!

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by chris63 on Thu Dec 07, 2017 7:33 am

Two Chinese men break into a distillery.
One asks the other,is it Whisky?
He replies, not as whisky as wobbing a bank.

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by chris63 on Thu Dec 07, 2017 7:36 am

"My missus has been assaulted by a marsupial in Malaysia."
"Kuala Lumpur?"
"No, it was a big kangaroo."

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