Hi my name is Figg, Mrs Figg.

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Hi my name is Figg, Mrs Figg.

Post by Mrs Figg on Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:14 pm

Hi I am new, and I was promised Buckie by a nice young gentleman from Scotland, I am one of those naughty Breelanders. Mrs Figg by name, Mrs Figg by nature, I am quite tranquile but sometimes I like swinging bags full of catfood at folks heads, thats why I was banned from a forum with 'Ring' in the title, hope you dont hold it against me.

cat


Last edited by Mrs Figg on Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:32 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Hi my name is Figg, Mrs Figg.

Post by Pettytyrant101 on Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:19 pm

Welcome to Forumshire Mrs Figg. cheers Now buckie, I did promise, its just the Queen of Forumshire, Tinuviel, kind of has my buckie stash under lock and key at the moment for reasons neither worth going into nor that are fair! Fortunetly I have an emergency supply in my sporran. See, nice and warm too. Very Happy
Oh and if you fancy a nosey at my film edits you can just pm me on here about it. Hope you visit regularly, I'm sure Kafria, Ally, Squach and Tin will be over the moon to have another female about the place, as will Janesmith, Porgy and Lesbo (hold on there's loads of bloomin' wimmin here! Evil or Very Mad ).

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Re: Hi my name is Figg, Mrs Figg.

Post by Eldorion on Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:27 pm

Welcome to Forumshire, Mrs. Figg! I'm glad that Petty was able to make a good enough impression; I never would have thought he had it in him. Very Happy And I'm sure we can find some buckie to welcome someone new. drunken
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thanks for the welcome

Post by Mrs Figg on Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:54 pm

...and from a Lord no less.... bounce
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Re: Hi my name is Figg, Mrs Figg.

Post by Ally on Tue Nov 15, 2011 6:37 pm

Mrs Figg wrote: ...and from a Lord no less.... bounce

Howdy! That Scottish chap got you here? Surprised Never would have thought it in him!

"I am quite tranquile but sometimes I like swinging bags full of catfood at folks heads, thats why I was banned from a forum with 'Ring' in the title, hope you dont hold it against me."

I like you. Nod

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Re: Hi my name is Figg, Mrs Figg.

Post by Pettytyrant101 on Tue Nov 15, 2011 6:41 pm

"I'm glad that Petty was able to make a good enough impression; I never would have thought he had it in him."- Eldo

That Scottish chap got you here? Never would have thought it in him!"- Ally

Cheek! Bloomin' cheek the two fo you. Never underestimate a Scotshobbit in a kilt with a sporran full of buckie! Nod

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Gingerlocks and the Three McTyrants

- get your copy here for a limited period- free*

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PDF Version (courtesy of Amarie) https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B-1_FdCbmY2-dC1MbXFOVl9UNm8/view?usp=sharing

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thanks for the welcome

Post by Mrs Figg on Tue Nov 15, 2011 6:43 pm

What a Face I like these funny faces, cyclops

That Buckie is famous from Breeland to Forumshire, the road was long and weary, and the feetses are smelly, but the thought of that wee dram kept the spirits up no end. bounce
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Re: Hi my name is Figg, Mrs Figg.

Post by Pettytyrant101 on Tue Nov 15, 2011 6:54 pm

There's a jacuzzi to wash your weary feet in, its in my barrel (its bigger on the inside-the barrel that is, not the jacuzzi). And of course well worth the long journey for the buckie.
In the meantime I'd suggest a browse around the place, theres plenty to see from serious debate in the Bad Serious section to members own creative works in Creative Corner. You might also want to check out the local newspapers, the News of the Pure, the Daily Purist and Wholesome Tales (although that last one is a disreputable rag!). Also the Collective Channelingss of Wisey are worth a read if you have a mind to poetry with a comic turn. Make yourself at home. Very Happy

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Pure Publications is Reasonably Proud to Present the first ever Forumshire novel!

Gingerlocks and the Three McTyrants

- get your copy here for a limited period- free*

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B2678c57O-0LUEROYml2NTFEUTQ

PDF Version (courtesy of Amarie) https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B-1_FdCbmY2-dC1MbXFOVl9UNm8/view?usp=sharing

*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
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Re: Hi my name is Figg, Mrs Figg.

Post by Wisey Banks on Tue Nov 15, 2011 8:42 pm

"Howdy Mrs Figg,
i've heard by leaf and twig
That you've emigrated here -
And pleased to meet you dear Very Happy -

But I would advise you, Ducky,
To be wary of the buckie,
And a certain Scotshobbit in a skirt,
Yes, you must be on the alert,

'cause if he gets you in his barrel,
(Either you, or Will Farrell),
Nothing good is bound to occur,
Though on buckie it'll be a blur,

So - I guess- in April or November,
It's not likely you'll remember...
Mmm... anyway, welcome to Forumshire,
It's good to have you join the choir!"



"The Welcoming Song of the Spirit of Forumshire" - by Eru Illuvatar (apparently)

Wisey Banks

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WOW great poem

Post by Mrs Figg on Tue Nov 15, 2011 9:01 pm

Dear Mr. Banks
I give you thanks
for the lovely ditty
but its a terrible pity
that my poem is sh**y
I tried my best
with vim and zest
the folk from Bree
I think you will see
dont drink Buckie
and so our poems suckie
affraid
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Re: Hi my name is Figg, Mrs Figg.

Post by Wisey Banks on Tue Nov 15, 2011 9:45 pm

"Oh Mrs Figg!
Oh Mrs Figg!
Oh Sweet Eru,
I think I dig,

Your witty words,
Your sensuous mouth,
Oh happy day
you're here in The House -

The Spiritual House
of Channelin'
lined with the best
mock-Moroccan pannelin' -

Oh Mrs Figg!
Oh Mrs Figg!
Another channeller!?
This is
BIG!"


Wisey Banks

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Re: Hi my name is Figg, Mrs Figg.

Post by Porgy Bunk-Banks on Tue Nov 15, 2011 9:49 pm

Suspect
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mrs figg does poumz

Post by Mrs Figg on Tue Nov 15, 2011 10:56 pm

that miss porgy she look blue
I only bin here 2 mins
what did I do?
I know my bad poemz
should be put in the bins
giv me a hint
cos I havent a clue.

pale
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Re: Hi my name is Figg, Mrs Figg.

Post by Ringdrotten on Tue Nov 15, 2011 11:10 pm

Welcome Very Happy

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Re: Hi my name is Figg, Mrs Figg.

Post by Eldorion on Tue Nov 15, 2011 11:28 pm

Hilarious poems from all sides! lol!
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Re: Hi my name is Figg, Mrs Figg.

Post by Porgy Bunk-Banks on Wed Nov 16, 2011 12:09 am

Mrs Figg wrote:that miss porgy she look blue
I only bin here 2 mins
what did I do?
I know my bad poemz
should be put in the bins
giv me a hint
cos I havent a clue.

pale

That be my husband you're get'n all channelly with... You be careful, Mrs Figg... You look after your own hubby, okay. Just sayin'....
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Re: Hi my name is Figg, Mrs Figg.

Post by Wisey Banks on Wed Nov 16, 2011 12:12 am

"That be my husband you be channelin' with,
You be careful, Mrs Figg."


Oh dear Porgy, I'll make you a channeller, yet. Very Happy

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Re: Hi my name is Figg, Mrs Figg.

Post by Orwell on Wed Nov 16, 2011 12:14 am

I gotta say, you just have to admire anyone with a name like that: Mrs Figg. Surely an upstanding figure. A respectable sort. Though her channeling does seem a little crude (vulgar, that is)... Never mind. Wink

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Re: Hi my name is Figg, Mrs Figg.

Post by odo banks on Wed Nov 16, 2011 12:24 am

Mrs Figg wrote:Dear Mr. Banks
I give you thanks
for the lovely ditty
but its a terrible pity
that my poem is sh**y
I tried my best
with vim and zest
the folk from Bree
I think you will see
dont drink Buckie
and so our poems suckie
affraid

I am conflicted. One would think a "Mrs" anyone would be a conservative respectable person. But the use of certain words... I mean to say: sh**ty is hardly drawing room talk, at all, AT ALL. (I can join the dots, Mrs Figg, don't you worry about! Rolling Eyes ) As to NOT drinking "buckie" - well, that is only to be commended; but "suckie" does sound such a very "common" word. Oh Mrs Figg, I do hope - against all first impressions - that you are a respectable matron and not some slatternly woman who - by all accounts - deserted not only Bree (which is probably commendable in itself) but also her upstanding husband and skein of rosy cheeked children. (I am availed - against my own better judgment - of the latest Wholesome Tale, which is not always the most accurate Archet Bugle publication!)

Btw I would be careful in your dealings with my brother, Wisey. He is an innocent sort, much submerged in channelling, and easily led. A harmless fellow. Porgy, however, does have a foul temper I think it fair to say, and she's the jealous sort. She has told me several times that she does not hold with anyone dallying with her dear innocent husband in any which way whatsoever. And rightly so, loyal wife that she is.

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re: respectable matron

Post by Mrs Figg on Wed Nov 16, 2011 1:04 am

Mrs Porgy have no fear, my only concern are my kitties, all seven of them, the furry little dumplings need their mummy and I have no time for dilly dallyin with the gentlemen, really the very thought, it makes me elastic stockins wrinkle at the mere thought, I have had no gentlemen callers since 1971 when a chap named Albert haccidently sat on Fluffy, I told him to finish his buttered muffin and leave, and never has the hairier sex darkened me door since (apart from that nice Mr harris from No.14, who stopped a leak in me kitchen but we wont go into that) hanyway must dash..

pig cat
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Re: Hi my name is Figg, Mrs Figg.

Post by odo banks on Wed Nov 16, 2011 1:57 am

At last! A respectable and genteel lady hath come to Forumshire. (Clearly, the stories spruiked by THe Archet Bugle in their Wholesome Tales are, at the least in some regards, inaccurate!) I must have you around for tea sometime, Mrs Figg. My wives, Bella and Primmy, will be present. You must never fear me of behaving without gallantry or respect! Very Happy

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Re: Hi my name is Figg, Mrs Figg.

Post by Pettytyrant101 on Wed Nov 16, 2011 2:14 am

Oh dear. I see you've met (some) of the Banks family Mrs Figg.
Ole Wisey is a good chap, when you can get him away from Porgy. And she is,... friendly, yes that seems a safe word, very, very friendly. Especailly towards Wisey's brother (I think its a brother) Biffo, the Oz mining hobbit who loves nothing better than a good deep hole. Odo on the otherhand is, by his own appointment, the moral heart of Forumshire- or in other word everyone ignores him! Very Happy

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Pure Publications is Reasonably Proud to Present the first ever Forumshire novel!

Gingerlocks and the Three McTyrants

- get your copy here for a limited period- free*

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B2678c57O-0LUEROYml2NTFEUTQ

PDF Version (courtesy of Amarie) https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B-1_FdCbmY2-dC1MbXFOVl9UNm8/view?usp=sharing

*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
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Re: Hi my name is Figg, Mrs Figg.

Post by odo banks on Wed Nov 16, 2011 3:03 am

Don't listen to him, Mrs Figg (he's from Scotshobbiton Rolling Eyes ).

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Re: Hi my name is Figg, Mrs Figg.

Post by odo banks on Wed Nov 16, 2011 3:28 am

Pettytyrant101 wrote:Especailly towards Wisey's brother (I think its a brother) Biffo, the Oz mining hobbit who loves nothing better than a good deep hole.Very Happy

Nephew, Petty, my nephew! Mirabella's brother... Rolling Eyes

He's a miner in the Kimberleys (Ozhobbitstan) btw, Mrs Figg - that's what Mr Tyrant implies when he says Biffo "...loves nothing better than a good deep hole". Actually, he loves nothing more than he does reputable safety-concious mine operators who ensure he works in a "properly delved and supported" deep hole. Very Happy

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Re: Hi my name is Figg, Mrs Figg.

Post by Pettytyrant101 on Wed Nov 16, 2011 3:58 am

Ooops! Embarassed Sorry Odo, its hard to keep track through the buckie haze. And I wasn't implying anything, how dare you Odo give that impression to a newcomer like Mrs Figg. I was insinuating.

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