Alone - a story by Squach!

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Post by Squach on Fri Jun 10, 2011 8:52 pm

How boring.

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Alone - a story by Squach! - Page 2 Siggytry

I like poking things with sticks. Get over it.
Bouncy bouncy  bounce  bounce  bounce  bounce  bounce  bouncy bouncy Smile
Your mum.
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Post by odo banks on Fri Jun 10, 2011 11:28 pm

Oh "tut" I say! "Tut tut tut!" Mad

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Post by Squach on Mon Jun 20, 2011 6:46 pm

Helooooo??? Anyone home?????? Helloooo??? Question Question Question

Oh, hello there! Did you miss me?

...

WHAT??? You didn't even know I was gone?????

...

Hmph. An apology won't help you now! You can just delete your speech and type something else!

...

Wait!!! Nooo! Geet Off!





nfdvbiohrehnvoaehrvpgioeanhiuvjeauhgiuveurhvguieqhgihjnfehuvhniueovhiuervbhfebvjh ehrb fuirhfijrgyru fr

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Alone - a story by Squach! - Page 2 Siggytry

I like poking things with sticks. Get over it.
Bouncy bouncy  bounce  bounce  bounce  bounce  bounce  bouncy bouncy Smile
Your mum.
Squach
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Age : 20
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Post by Squach on Mon Jun 20, 2011 7:11 pm

Sorry I haven't put this on for ages, but I didn't have time. This is the last chapter, so beware of a few surprises!


Chapter 8 - Flames

“I’m so hungry!” exclaimed Miranda a few hours after they had escaped. J smirked. “You’d better get used to it,” she mumbled, “Hang on, what’s that?” J began to run.
“Ow!” J had run into a holly bush. She slumped out of the wilderness, with twigs and leaves poking out of her t–shirt and hair.
“Did you mean to-?” Miranda was cut off, because J had stomped away. Miranda hurried after her, picking up berries along the way.
“Where are you going?” Miranda called. “J? Please answer me!”
“I saw a hut through here.” J gestured to the faint outline of a tiny hut through a clutter of branches. “It’s the same hut I saw when the police were chasing me. Do you remember me telling you, Miranda?”
“Yeah, I do. When you dropped the bag in front of it…” Miranda took a few moments to think about what had happened to J. “Wait! That’s why! You want to see if the bag's there, so we can eat the food!”
“It’s not just that!” J had to shout because she was so far ahead.
“Oh! The hut can be our shelter, and there’s the change in the bag if we need to get extra food,”
“There’s just one more thing,” J yelled. “Look closely at the roof,”
Miranda peered through the canopy of trees. ”There are two chimneys!”
“Yes, meaning, if my guess is right, there is a fireplace and a stove!”
“So we can cook!” Miranda was amazed by J’s logical thinking, when she had only been to school for a week.
“Correct!” J stuck a thumb up. Miranda stuck her thumb up too, shoved the berries she picked into the suitcase, and sprinted to catch up to J.
“Here we are, Mer,” J whispered. They were standing outside the hut.
“Shall we go in?” Miranda shook, looking across at J. She nodded slowly.
J pushed open the wooden door slowly.
“Who’s there?” A woman’s voice called. J and Miranda jumped, pulling the door closed and running round the corner. But the door opened again. A beautiful young woman in a patchwork dress came to the doorway.
“I said who’s there!” She yelled again.
“Sorry! It’s just we thought the hut was empty and we just escaped from a Victorian school, and we’re starving and… Ow!” J had elbowed Miranda in her ribs.
For some moments, the woman studied the girls’ clothing and appearances carefully. She had looked at Miranda, and was now looking at J. The woman saw J’s jeans, her t-shirt, the state of her hair, her burning blue eyes; it seemed so familiar somehow. But try as she might, she couldn’t distinguish why. Then her eyes fell to the shining locket around J’s neck. She gasped.
“Charlotte! My little Lottie! You’re alive! Oh, how you’ve grown!” The woman rushed to J and hugged her. She clung on tightly.
“Excuse me, I don’t mean to be rude, but, who exactly are you?” said J. The woman jumped up, as if remembering something that was extremely important.
“Of course, you won’t recognise me… Charlotte, I am your mother.” J threw a puzzled look at Miranda, who shrugged.
“How can you be my mum? My parents were taken away by someone eight years ago. I’ve never seen them since… I had to survive in the wilderness!” The woman then pulled out a locket from a pocket in her dress. It was identical to J’s; even the picture was the same. J caught her breath.
“Mum!” Wrapping her arms around her mum, Charlotte smelt familiar smells and felt familiar tickles of hair. She knew she was home at last.

“So, Dad’s still in that warehouse?” Charlotte asked. They were sitting on a log by a fire, eating hungrily.
“Well, no.” Charlotte’s mum took her hand. “He died, Lottie.”
“Why? How? When?” Charlotte asked.
“I don’t know,” Her mum replied. Charlotte, her mum and Miranda stared into the flickering flames.

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Alone - a story by Squach! - Page 2 Siggytry

I like poking things with sticks. Get over it.
Bouncy bouncy  bounce  bounce  bounce  bounce  bounce  bouncy bouncy Smile
Your mum.
Squach
Squach
Princess Of All Things Fashionable

Posts : 713
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Age : 20
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Post by Pettytyrant101 on Mon Jun 20, 2011 9:22 pm

Well thats a bit of a tragic note to stop on! But J has a name! cheers
I enjoyed it but every time I read one of your pieces Squach I feel like I've been plonked down somewhere and I dont know where I am! I'm a simple hobbit I need more context (I know I could go back to the first one and start again each time but its hard to find the time. Maybe you could put a recap of the story so far before each post if you do more, for those of us whose memories may have a touch to much buckie in them).
Apart from that great as usual.
If I could offer a criticism, it would be that you don't do enough of something you do well, description. For example her mum, all I know is she is beautiful and in a patchwork dress, but of what colours? What colour is her hair? How does she look to J? Old, youthful still? Happy? Sad? Has her face got wrinkled with age or is she younger than that? What's the hut like, what sort of place is she living in? (that could tell the reader something about the character without you having to lay it out- always a useful writing tool). Basically just put in more of what you are already doing well and flesh it out for the reader. After all the build up to meeting her mum and finding out her own name its over maybe a bit too quickly.
Looking foward to the next story you write. Very Happy

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Post by Squach on Fri Jun 24, 2011 5:15 pm

Good good. Had a 'camo day' at schoool today, and in our music lesson a man in a kilt and sporran came into our room carrying a big case. He opened the case and took out...............




Some bagpipes!!!!! He played them and I wondered if it was Petty in disguise, but i couldn't smell any buckie about him and he could stand up straight. It was very

Alone - a story by Squach! - Page 2 Grey%5E_%5Earial%5E_%5E0%5E_%5E0%5E_%5ECool%5E_%5E

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Alone - a story by Squach! - Page 2 Siggytry

I like poking things with sticks. Get over it.
Bouncy bouncy  bounce  bounce  bounce  bounce  bounce  bouncy bouncy Smile
Your mum.
Squach
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Princess Of All Things Fashionable

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Post by Pettytyrant101 on Fri Jun 24, 2011 5:55 pm

"i couldn't smell any buckie about him and he could stand up straight."

Are you sure it was a real Scotshobbit at all then? scratch

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Pure Publications, The Tower of Lore and the Former Admin's Office are Reasonably Proud to Present-



A Green And Pleasant Land

Compiled and annotated by Eldorion.


- get your copy here for a limited period- free*

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view



*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales
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Post by Squach on Fri Jun 24, 2011 6:43 pm

Yes,he played the bagpipes very well.

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Alone - a story by Squach! - Page 2 Siggytry

I like poking things with sticks. Get over it.
Bouncy bouncy  bounce  bounce  bounce  bounce  bounce  bouncy bouncy Smile
Your mum.
Squach
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Princess Of All Things Fashionable

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Age : 20
Location : Brit-rain. Yorkshire, yo. On the sofa poking Kafria.

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Post by Biffo Banks on Sun Jul 29, 2012 12:31 am

Yuss oorllfoolee gud! Lik cutz onna buk funse! Nod
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