what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Thu Apr 19, 2018 9:02 am

Got it
Loved it
Laughing

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If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Thu Apr 26, 2018 4:08 pm

If I find out the name of the surgeon that mucked up my limb transplant....

....I'll kill him with my bear hands.

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If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Thu Apr 26, 2018 4:10 pm

Just been on the web site BIGBUSTYCOONS.COM

Those guys really know how to run bus companies!

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If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Thu Apr 26, 2018 4:12 pm

I am so superstitious that I have a rabbit's foot.

The other one is normal.

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If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Thu Apr 26, 2018 4:19 pm

his is getting out of hand now.

Every morning since Monday, a German Shepherd has come to my garden and had a shit on the lawn.

Guess what happened today.

The cheeky devil brought his dog with him.


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If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by chris63 on Fri Apr 27, 2018 5:06 am


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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Pettytyrant101 on Fri Apr 27, 2018 3:24 pm

{{  Laughing }}

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Bluebottle on Fri Apr 27, 2018 11:49 pm

"“A -ing wizard. I HATE -ing wizards!”
“You shouldn’t - them, then”‘ muttered one of his henchmen, effortlessly pronouncing a row of dashes."
- Terry Pratchett

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Bluebottle on Sat Apr 28, 2018 12:09 am

Also always liked this Razz

"'Ah, this must be the famous Ankh-Morpork sense of humour, yes?' 'No, that was just irony,' Vimes shouted, still looking for an arboreal escape route. 'You'll know when we've got on to the famous Ankh-Morpork sense of humour when I start talking about breasts and farting, you smug bastard!'"

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Sat Apr 28, 2018 4:40 pm

I read that a banana a day helps to keep your colon clean. I just wish they'd told me I was supposed to eat them.

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"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by chris63 on Thu May 03, 2018 12:38 am

The pope is handing out miracles to sick children in Liverpool. Little Johnny walks on stage and asks "Can you help with my hearing?"

The pope says "Yes" & puts his hands on Johnny's ears, then prays, removes his hands and says "How is your hearing now"

Johnny says "I don't know, its not 'til next Wednesday"

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Thu May 03, 2018 10:07 pm

lol!

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"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by chris63 on Tue May 08, 2018 3:37 am


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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Tue May 08, 2018 6:53 pm

:facepalm: Very Happy

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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Ringdrotten on Tue May 08, 2018 8:34 pm

azriel wrote:Just been on the web site BIGBUSTYCOONS.COM

Those guys really know how to run bus companies!

lol!

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Wed May 09, 2018 8:35 am

Today, I walked into a restaurant.



“Hi, is my table ready?”



“No, not yet sir. Do you mind waiting?”



“No, that’s okay.”



“Great, take these plates to table six then.”


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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Wed May 09, 2018 8:36 am

My wife says she's leaving me because she's never seen me sober.



Fucking hell, I got married?

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"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Wed May 09, 2018 8:38 am

A boomerang is just a frisbee for people with no friends

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"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by chris63 on Thu May 10, 2018 3:06 am

I went to a sperm bank, yesterday.
The nurse said "Would you like to masturbate in the cup"
I replied "I'm good, but I don't think I'm at competition level"

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Ringdrotten on Tue May 22, 2018 10:39 pm


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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Tue May 22, 2018 10:41 pm

:facepalm: Laughing

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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by chris63 on Tue May 29, 2018 2:40 am


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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by halfwise on Tue May 29, 2018 3:18 am

Don't get it. Shrugging

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Forest Shepherd on Tue May 29, 2018 4:34 am

What's fairy bread?

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by halfwise on Tue May 29, 2018 12:33 pm

Took some digging but I figured it out.  First you have to look up hundreds and thousands:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonpareils

then you can look up fairy bread.

Though America has unleashed it's fair share of culinary travesties upon the world, at least we are innocent of fairy bread. :shudder:

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