what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by chris63 on Tue Jul 31, 2018 3:16 am

A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die.
They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them "Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. Please form a single-file line." And they do so.
St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her "Sister, have you ever touched a penis?"
The Sister Responds "Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger..."
St. Peter says "Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted." and she did so.
St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says "Sister, have you ever touched a penis?" "Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment..."
"Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted" and she does so.
Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun "Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!"
Sister Susan responds "Well if I'm going to have to gargle this stuff, I'd rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it!"

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by halfwise on Tue Jul 31, 2018 11:52 am

Laughing

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Tue Jul 31, 2018 2:08 pm

Laughing

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Sun Aug 05, 2018 4:02 pm


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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Fri Aug 10, 2018 5:35 pm



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If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Sun Aug 19, 2018 10:01 pm



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If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Pettytyrant101 on Mon Aug 20, 2018 12:40 pm

{{This years top jokes as voted for by the public form the Edinburgh Fringe Festival-



  • "I had a job drilling holes for water - it was well boring" - Leo Kearse
  • "I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don't pay it back, I'm going to get repossessed" - Olaf Falafel
  • "In my last relationship, I hated being treated like a piece of meat. She was a vegan and refused to touch me" - Daniel Audritt
  • "What do colour blind people do when they are told to eat their greens?" - Flo and Joan
  • "I've got a new job collecting all the jumpers left in the park at the weekends, but it's not easy. They keep moving the goalposts" - Darren Walsh
  • "Trump said he'd build a wall but he hasn't even picked up a brick. He's just another middle-aged man failing on a DIY project" - Justin Moorhouse
  • "I lost a friend after we had an argument about the Tardis. I thought it was a little thing, but it seemed much bigger once we got into it" - Adele Cliff
  • "Why are they calling it Brexit and not The Great British Break Off?" - Alex Edelman
  • "I think love is like central heating. You turn it on before guests arrive and pretend it's like this all the time" - Laura Lexx



And this years winning joke-

"Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job - knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day." }}}

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Mon Aug 20, 2018 2:59 pm

I like the exorcism one best Laughing

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Pettytyrant101 on Mon Aug 20, 2018 4:26 pm

{{No prizes for guessing my favourite! Smile }}

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Mon Aug 20, 2018 7:07 pm

Its blue isn't it
Very Happy
The Tardis I mean

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If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Fri Sep 07, 2018 3:44 pm

News: An Amazon tribe has been discovered that has had no contact with the outside world.

Will somebody ask them when my parcel is being delivered.

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If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Thu Sep 27, 2018 7:09 pm



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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Eldy on Thu Sep 27, 2018 7:35 pm

Laughing
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Thu Sep 27, 2018 7:55 pm



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If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Pettytyrant101 on Fri Sep 28, 2018 5:57 am

{{{ Laughing  Larson isnt it? Used to love his stuff when I was younger }}

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by chris63 on Fri Oct 05, 2018 2:44 am

My wife accused me of being a transvestite, so I packed her things and left

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by chris63 on Fri Oct 05, 2018 2:45 am

I saw a dwarf using a rope to get over the prison wall yesterday.

I thought 'that's a little condescending.

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by chris63 on Fri Oct 05, 2018 2:49 am

Went to my porn star reunion last night.

It was good to come across some old faces again.

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by halfwise on Fri Oct 05, 2018 2:55 am

The last one took a few seconds to register.

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by chris63 on Fri Oct 05, 2018 3:03 am

halfwise wrote:The last one took a few seconds to register.

Thats the one i like the most. I'm still laughing Smile


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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Sat Oct 13, 2018 7:15 am

Life is about changing perspectives and priorities:

I used to worry if one of my hairs was out of place, now I don't care if they both are.

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Bluebottle on Sun Oct 14, 2018 3:30 pm

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?

All they said was "Bach, Bach, Bach.."

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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Sun Oct 14, 2018 3:47 pm

Laughing

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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Thu Oct 18, 2018 9:34 am



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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel on Thu Oct 18, 2018 9:35 am



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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



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