what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

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Post by azriel on Mon Sep 02, 2019 4:29 pm

Oh yes Laughing

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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

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Post by Nagual on Mon Sep 02, 2019 11:49 pm

There are 10 types of people in the world:

Those that understand binary.
Those that don't.
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Post by azriel on Tue Sep 03, 2019 12:52 pm

Very Happy

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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

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Post by azriel on Thu Sep 05, 2019 7:30 pm

Two Irishmen are stuck in the
desert, wandering aimlessly and
close to death. They are close to
just lying down and waiting for
the inevitable, when all of a
sudden.......
'Hey paddy, do you smell what I smell. It's
bacon - I'm sure of it.'
'Yes, mick, it smells like bacon to me.'
So, with renewed strength, they struggle up
the next s and dune, and there, in the
distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture,
there's fried bacon, back bacon, double
smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of
cured pig meat.
'paddy, paddy we're saved. It is a bacon
tree.'
'mick, are you sure it's not a mirage? We
are in the desert, don't forget.'
'paddy, when did you ever hear of a mirage
that smell like bacon? It's no mirage, it's a
bacon tree.'
and, with that, mick races towards the tree.
He gets to within five metres, paddy
following closely behind, when, all of a
sudden, a machine gun opens up and mick
is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is
mortally wounded but, a true friend that he
is, he manages to warn paddy with his
dying breath.
'paddy... go back man, you was right it's not
a bacon tree.'
'mick, mick ... what the fuck is it?'
'paddy... its not a bacon tree...
it's...
it's...
it's...
it's a Ham Bush.'

_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

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Post by halfwise on Thu Sep 05, 2019 7:34 pm

:facepalm:

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Post by azriel on Sat Sep 07, 2019 5:32 pm

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_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

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what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 31 15403410
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Post by azriel on Fri Sep 13, 2019 9:17 pm

A blonde & a brunette walk past a flower shop & see the brunette's boyfriend buying a lovely bouquet of flowers. She sighs & says, "oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again. Now IL be expected to lie on my back all weekend with my legs in the air !" "why?" said the blonde, "Don't you have a vase ?"

_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 31 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 31 15403410
azriel
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Post by halfwise on Fri Sep 13, 2019 11:16 pm

Laughing

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Post by Mrs Figg on Sat Sep 14, 2019 12:32 pm

Laughing

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Post by azriel on Mon Sep 30, 2019 4:20 pm

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Irishman answered his door to find two grim-faced constables.
“We’re sorry, Mr. O’Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen,” said one of the officers.
“Tell me! Did you find her?” O’Flynn asked.
The constables looked at each other and one said, “We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”
Fearing the worst, Patrick said, “Give me the bad news first.”
The constable said, “I’m really sorry to tell you, sir, but early this morning we found your poor wife’s body in the bay.”
“Lord sufferin’ Jesus and Holy Mother of God!” exclaimed O’Flynn. Swallowing hard, he then asked, “What could possibly be the good news
The constable continued, “When we pulled the late, departed poor Maureen up, she had 12 of the best-looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven’t seen lobsters like that since the 1960’s, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”
Stunned, O’ Flynn demanded, “Glory be to God, if that’s the good news, then what’s the really great news?”
The constable replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow!!..

_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

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what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 31 15403410
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Post by halfwise on Mon Sep 30, 2019 5:53 pm

Shocked

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Post by azriel on Sun Oct 06, 2019 10:49 am

Paddy and Mick are sat down in a café when a waitress came over and said " You cant eat your own sandwiches in here!" …….so they swapped

_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

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Post by halfwise on Sun Oct 06, 2019 1:38 pm

:facepalm:

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Post by azriel on Sat Oct 12, 2019 9:49 am

Paddy the electrician was sacked from his Prison job today for refusing to repairing an electric chair. He said, in his opinion, it was a death trap.

_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

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what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 31 15403410
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Post by azriel on Mon Oct 21, 2019 10:45 pm

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 31 Joke10

_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 31 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 31 15403410
azriel
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Post by azriel on Wed Dec 04, 2019 8:07 pm

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 31 Dad10

_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 31 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 31 15403410
azriel
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Post by Forest Shepherd on Wed Dec 04, 2019 9:54 pm

Razz


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"'But whereas we have drunk with thee, who seemest to be a man of lineage, and thou hast been blithe with us, we will tell thee that we have seen one riding south along the Greenway, clad in a coat as green as the way, with the leafless tree done on his breast. So nigh to him we were that we heard his cry as he sped along, as ye may hear the lapwing whining, for he said: "POINT AND EDGE, POINT AND EDGE! THE RED WATER AMIDST OF THE HILLS!" In my lifetime such a man hath, to my knowledge, been seen thrice before; and after each sight of him followed evil days and the death of men.'"

-The Well at the World's End, William Morris
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Post by chris63 on Thu Dec 12, 2019 2:09 am

Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

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Post by chris63 on Thu Dec 12, 2019 2:30 am

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Post by halfwise on Thu Dec 12, 2019 1:17 pm

Took a second reading to catch that one.

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