what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

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Post by halfwise on Mon Dec 23, 2019 7:32 pm

If the Greenwich Meridian were the dateline I'd understand doing everything a day early because otherwise you'd basically be a day behind everyone else. But it ain't.

Actually Americans are split: some make Christmas eve important, but if you have young kids it's usually christmas morning because it's better to have them wake up all excited than go to bed all excited.

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Post by Amarië on Mon Dec 23, 2019 7:59 pm

Theres not much difference to waking up excited on the 24th. The gifts mysteriously appears during the night and you have to wait a million years til dinner is over before you can open them. Maybe you get to open one, just one, early.

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Post by David H on Mon Dec 23, 2019 8:13 pm

We're very much of the Christmas Eve school of thought here too. I think the slit in America tends to follow the urban/rural dividing line.
(just try explaining to herd of milk-cows that you'll be taking Christmas Day off... Suspect No )

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Post by halfwise on Mon Dec 23, 2019 8:14 pm

So you can torture the kids: "Do you want to have dessert.....or open presents?"

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Post by Amarië on Mon Dec 23, 2019 9:48 pm

Exactly. Nod

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Post by Forest Shepherd on Tue Dec 24, 2019 7:54 pm

David H wrote:We're very much of the Christmas Eve school of thought here too. I think the slit in America tends to follow the urban/rural dividing line.
(just try explaining to herd of milk-cows that you'll be taking Christmas Day off... Suspect No )
Well I don't know. We've always had some Bible-readings and Scrooge watching stuff on Christmas Eve, then presents the morning of the Day followed by mid-day dinner and playing with our new stuff. Farm chores would happen before the Eve events, and before we left in the morning for my sister's house.

By the by, watched Krampus last night, by myself of course. And it's a fine Christmas movie! It is horror, of course, but an effective kind of Christmas Carol-type story. They fudged up the ending, sadly, so it doesn't quite work. But whatever you can't have everything.

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Post by azriel on Wed Jan 01, 2020 6:31 pm

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Post by halfwise on Wed Jan 01, 2020 7:51 pm

Laughing

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Post by azriel on Fri Feb 07, 2020 11:59 pm

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2.30AM this morning, can you believe it ? 2.30AM !! Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums---

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Post by halfwise on Sat Feb 08, 2020 12:37 am

Somehow this sounds familiar to me....

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Post by azriel on Sun Feb 23, 2020 10:20 am

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Post by azriel on Sun Feb 23, 2020 1:33 pm

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Post by halfwise on Sun Feb 23, 2020 1:46 pm

Laughing

Reminds me of a description of marriage I once heard:
For the first two years the newlyweds have tourist sex: in the laundry room, on the kitchen table, wherever they find themselves.
For the next ten years they have bedroom sex.
Eventually they move on to hallway sex: they pass each other in the hallway and say "fuck you."

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Post by azriel on Sun Feb 23, 2020 5:33 pm

Laughing

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Post by chris63 Yesterday at 3:12 am

Stephen Hawkins went on a date.
Next day his career noticed he was covered in cuts all over him.
What the hell happened I thought you were going on a date.


"She stood me up"

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Post by chris63 Yesterday at 3:13 am

I got chatting to a lumberjack in the pub.
He seemed like a decent feller...

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Post by chris63 Yesterday at 3:13 am

My local bus company is charging overweight people double as they take up two seats.

Harsh butt fare!

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Post by chris63 Yesterday at 3:22 am

Maybe I'm being paranoid but there are 5 Peruvian owls sat on a fence looking in my window.....

I think they're Inca hoots

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Post by chris63 Yesterday at 3:24 am

(a) Why shouldn't you buy Ukrainian underpants ?

(b) What do you call a cannibal who eats his mother's sister ?

(c) What do you call a cannibal who eats his mother in law ?







(a) Chernobyl fallout

(b) An anteater

(c ) Gladiator

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Post by halfwise Yesterday at 2:12 pm

Took me a few seconds to work a few of those out.

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Post by azriel Yesterday at 5:39 pm

Once, I forgot how to throw a boomerang----
and then it came back to me

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Post by chris63 Today at 12:27 am

Female wanted, must have own pub.
Apply with inn...

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