Allow me to reintroduce myself

Page 1 of 2 1, 2  Next

Go down

Allow me to reintroduce myself

Post by Eldy on Sun Sep 16, 2018 3:52 am

You've obviously all known me for a long time--between roughly five and nine years, depending on how long you've been on the forum--and in theory I wouldn't want to make a big deal of coming back or draw a lot of attention to it. However, doing so in a way that's true to myself will, by necessity, be noticeably different in some (hopefully not all) ways and I think it's easiest to try to explain things up front. So, in light of that:

Hi, everyone. My name is Eldy. I'm a 24 year old trans woman from Maryland and I'm very happy to be posting here right now.

To try to address a few potential questions right off the bat: yes, I've always been this way. No, I didn't always have all the pieces put together about what was going on and why I experience certain thoughts and feelings. Playing along with the running joke some years back about whether I was a boy or a girl (as referenced in the forum FAQ) was not because I was consciously questioning my gender identity at the time. However, writing a forum fanfic last winter featuring a version of myself as a woman was (more or less; it took a long time to fully admit it to myself).

Until very recently I labored under a number of assumptions about how I couldn't possibly be trans because I didn't meet X, Y, or Z "requirement" as a kid. That said, there are a number of things that in retrospect seem like they should have been signs. (A few people have said as much about the long hair I used to have, though to be honest I'm not sure that's one of them.) I'm reluctant to look back on every last gender nonconforming thing I did as a child and try to construct a narrative around that because there would undoubtedly be a lot of hindsight bias, but being able to accept that I don't have to spend the rest of my life continuing to feel like a failure at being male if I'm not male has been indescribably liberating.

My coming out process is happening in stages. Those of you who have me on Facebook might notice that I have not yet changed my listed name or gender there. However, I've taken up offers in several contexts to use a different name and pronouns. On Forumshire, I would be immensely grateful if people refer to me as Eldy rather than Eldo or Eldorion (the Sindarin suffix -ion means "son of" and names ending in O always sound masculine to me since that's how they work in Romance languages) and use female rather than male pronouns. I obviously can't mandate that anyone do anything and I know from personal experience that changing how you refer to someone doesn't happen instantaneously, but this is really important to me so I'm bringing it up despite my general discomfort with asking for favors.

I know this isn't something I gave a lot of outward signs of and I've received a number of surprised responses so far (though uniformly supportive, which I'm very grateful for). If anyone has any questions I'd be happy to field them, but otherwise it's just nice to be back. You all got to know a version of me that, while real, often spent a lot of energy trying to ignore certain feelings and/or behave like a different person, with varying levels of success. While there's been a lot to take in lately and I don't know exactly what the future holds, I'm a good deal fonder of the truer version of me. I hope this will outweigh any potential sense of weirdness and that you'll, at least, not strongly disagree with that assessment.
avatar
Eldy
Loremistress Emerita

Posts : 48
Join date : 2018-06-21
Age : 24
Location : Maryland

Back to top Go down

Re: Allow me to reintroduce myself

Post by David H on Sun Sep 16, 2018 6:52 am

Good to see you back Eldy :carrot: pub

_________________
 
avatar
David H
Horsemaster, Fighting Bears in the Pacific Northwest

Posts : 6771
Join date : 2011-11-18

Back to top Go down

Re: Allow me to reintroduce myself

Post by Norc on Sun Sep 16, 2018 9:53 am

well, you know my stand on this but imma say it again. I think it is awesome that you get to figure yourself out and i am very happy for you! I will absolutely do my very best to use the right pronouns, although i do have to rewire my brain a little. welcome back! I don't think i mentioned it btw, but it was pride here yesterday, so it was very appropriate Wink 


also.. have to redo some fanart ?! or... where is that story you wrote? 

God i miss this forum..
avatar
Norc
Khaleesi

Posts : 19164
Join date : 2011-12-21
Age : 23

http://nimrail.deviantart.com

Back to top Go down

Re: Allow me to reintroduce myself

Post by Pettytyrant101 on Sun Sep 16, 2018 10:43 am

{{{ Ha I knew it- cos-play, cross-play more like! Smile - am I allowed to make poor taste jokes on the matter? I hope so its mainly all Ive got! (and not sure I want to see the NotP's take on this! )I am absolutely delighted for you Eldy that your happy in yourself- lifes a right old bugger at times grab hold of any certainty you can I say and working out who you are is one of the biggies!
You may have to forgive me if I stick the odd Eldo instead of Eldy in there occasionally, or screw up a pronoun from time to time- takes a while for a buckied brain to change track after the best part of a decade.
Oh and I will probably ask a lot of stupid questions too, as whilst I am not old-fashioned enough to be anything other than over the moon for you, I am old-fashioned enough to not have a clue what terms to use- for example, you used to date Baingil, who I believe is a lass, so are you a lesbian? Whats the terminology in such circumstances!! And I am almost certainly bound to offend through ignorance, if I haven't already in this post so please forgive that too, as I am very happy for you regardless of how clumsily I may put it, or how ignorantly.
Also need any advice on kilt wearing I'm your chap Smile }}}

_________________
Pure Publications, The Tower of Lore and the Former Admin's Office are Reasonably Proud to Present-



A Green And Pleasant Land

Compiled and annotated by Eldorion.


- get your copy here for a limited period- free*

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view



*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales
avatar
Pettytyrant101
Crabbitmeister

Posts : 40716
Join date : 2011-02-14
Age : 46
Location : Scotshobbitland

Back to top Go down

Re: Allow me to reintroduce myself

Post by Norc on Sun Sep 16, 2018 11:59 am

Pettytyrant101 wrote: so are you a lesbian? 
taking this totally out of contexts, but i suggest we might keep sexuality out of it, at least for now? as gender identity and sexuality are not correlated and, if i am not mistaken, equally dificult to figure out separately. whatever you are, as long as you are happy and have good people around, eh?

edit: but yes. one can be a transgender woman (assigned male at birth) and be a lesbian (attracted to women, including people who present as women/other transgender woman). it is a complex field. but it kinda depends how you want to define it for yourself. 


(personally i don't care what people define themselves (in regards to sexuality). 
all i need to know is if they wanna have sex with me or not when it comes down to it, and that is not something that will be the first thing to come up in social interractions.. i rather get to know them first...so yeah)
avatar
Norc
Khaleesi

Posts : 19164
Join date : 2011-12-21
Age : 23

http://nimrail.deviantart.com

Back to top Go down

Re: Allow me to reintroduce myself

Post by halfwise on Sun Sep 16, 2018 3:06 pm

Hi Eldy - and welcome back! I take it there's a combination of figuring out and deciding/accepting that you have figured it out. I'd hazard the second step is the most important, so congratulations on that!

I suppose the next step is making the physical transformations so you feel more comfortable with yourself? This can't be easy not just due to cost and time, but because you have this resolutely rugged looking face. Maybe some professional advice from drag performers might help. I think they'd love being helpful, and would be fun.

_________________
Halfwise, son of Halfwit. Brother of Nitwit, son of Halfwit. Half brother of Figwit.
Then it gets complicated...
avatar
halfwise
Quintessence of Burrahobbitry

Posts : 14411
Join date : 2012-02-01
Location : rustic broom closet in farthing of Manhattan

Back to top Go down

Re: Allow me to reintroduce myself

Post by Norc on Sun Sep 16, 2018 3:31 pm

halfwise wrote:I suppose the next step is making the physical transformations so you feel more comfortable with yourself?  This can't be easy not just due to cost and time, but because you have this resolutely rugged looking face.  Maybe some professional advice from drag performers might help.  I think they'd love being helpful, and would be fun.

are you saying you do drag?

also.. drag queens do like theater make up almost.. it's not .. well.. everyday use..   clown
avatar
Norc
Khaleesi

Posts : 19164
Join date : 2011-12-21
Age : 23

http://nimrail.deviantart.com

Back to top Go down

Re: Allow me to reintroduce myself

Post by halfwise on Sun Sep 16, 2018 3:58 pm

Yeah, true, but they'd fawn over Eldy.  Not really her mileau but it would be fun.  I was a definite introvert until I went to a performing arts school.  I still am, but most people no longer think so.  Performers are very liberating people to be around.

I haven't done professional drag, but I go camping with a group of hang glider folks who used to do what was called the drag races: you dress up in drag, and you race.  People would come from all all the nearby towns to watch.  I found that you definitely need someone who knows what they are doing for makeup.  The older women were very helpful.

_________________
Halfwise, son of Halfwit. Brother of Nitwit, son of Halfwit. Half brother of Figwit.
Then it gets complicated...
avatar
halfwise
Quintessence of Burrahobbitry

Posts : 14411
Join date : 2012-02-01
Location : rustic broom closet in farthing of Manhattan

Back to top Go down

Re: Allow me to reintroduce myself

Post by Mrs Figg on Sun Sep 16, 2018 5:18 pm

Welcome back Eldy. Razz  I am glad you have found yourself on the right Road. Its an adventure methinks. Nod

_________________
avatar
Mrs Figg
Eel Wrangler from Bree

Posts : 22410
Join date : 2011-10-06
Age : 88
Location : Holding The Door

Back to top Go down

Re: Allow me to reintroduce myself

Post by Eldy on Sun Sep 16, 2018 5:32 pm

David H wrote:Good to see you back Eldy :carrot: pub

Thanks so much, Dave! I love you

Norc wrote:well, you know my stand on this but imma say it again. I think it is awesome that you get to figure yourself out and i am very happy for you! I will absolutely do my very best to use the right pronouns, although i do have to rewire my brain a little. welcome back! I don't think i mentioned it btw, but it was pride here yesterday, so it was very appropriate Wink 

also.. have to redo some fanart ?! or... where is that story you wrote?

Thanks again, Norc! :hug: Your encouragement made a big difference in me feeling able to post about this here. DI Eldo was always more separate from me than other fanfic characters based on me, so the fanart is fine. The story from last winter is Love Is A Doing Word, which is very much unfinished, because of course it is. Laughing The basic concept hasn't been entirely abandoned but I have no idea when I'll do more creative writing. I finished a standalone (not forum-related at all) short story recently as practice, but it's not good enough to share publicly, I'm afraid.

https://www.hobbitmovieforum.com/t1360-love-is-a-doing-word

Pettytyrant101 wrote:{{{ Ha I knew it- cos-play, cross-play more like! Smile - am I allowed to make poor taste jokes on the matter? I hope so its mainly all Ive got! (and not sure I want to see the NotP's take on this! )I am absolutely delighted for you Eldy that your happy in yourself- lifes a right old bugger at times grab hold of any certainty you can I say and working out who you are is one of the biggies!
You may have to forgive me if I stick the odd Eldo instead of Eldy in there occasionally, or screw up a pronoun from time to time- takes a while for a buckied brain to change track after the best part of a decade.

I really appreciate your support, Petty, thank you! I wouldn't have mentioned this on Forumshire if I wasn't prepared for jokes to follow; there are certainly worse ways people could react. Razz I totally understand about it taking time to adjust. My sister has been openly trans for the past two and a half years (and she gave enough signs over the years that her coming out wasn't much of a surprise to me) but I still slipped up and occasionally used the wrong name or pronouns at first, though at least I usually noticed right after I said it and was able to correct myself.

Oh and I will probably ask a lot of stupid questions too, as whilst I am not old-fashioned enough to be anything other than over the moon for you, I am old-fashioned enough to not have a clue what terms to use- for example, you used to date Baingil, who I believe is a lass, so are you a lesbian? Whats the terminology in such circumstances!! And I am almost certainly bound to offend through ignorance, if I haven't already in this post so please forgive that too, as I am very happy for you regardless of how clumsily I may put it, or how ignorantly.
Also need any advice on kilt wearing I'm your chap Smile }}}

No worries about the questions; that's just how people find out about stuff. Smile I am attracted to women, yes, same as I've always been. Lesbian would be the appropriate terminology in that case, though that's one of the things I'm still getting used to. My discomfort with my assigned gender was not something I talked about much with any of my girlfriends--or anyone, period. With the ones who had more traditional views on gender roles I actively tried to bury it and behave in a more stereotypically masculine manner, which contributed to those relationships not working out. In any event, Baingil coming out as asexual (which she's posted about on here, or else I wouldn't mention it) during the years when we'd drifted apart ended up removing a lot of potential complications that many trans people face if they're in relationships when they come out. She was the first person I told after deciding that trying to ignore my gender was no longer a viable option, and she's been nothing but supportive.

Like Norc said, people of any gender identity can be of any sexual orientation, so my experience here isn't automatically generalizable to other trans people.
avatar
Eldy
Loremistress Emerita

Posts : 48
Join date : 2018-06-21
Age : 24
Location : Maryland

Back to top Go down

Re: Allow me to reintroduce myself

Post by Pettytyrant101 on Sun Sep 16, 2018 5:43 pm

{{Thanks Eldy for the info- and Ive just realised that means that Forumshire, since the original forum got sold out by Ady, has been exclusively run by women! Shocked  Its like my entire working career all over again!!!! Mad Very Happy }}}

_________________
Pure Publications, The Tower of Lore and the Former Admin's Office are Reasonably Proud to Present-



A Green And Pleasant Land

Compiled and annotated by Eldorion.


- get your copy here for a limited period- free*

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view



*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales
avatar
Pettytyrant101
Crabbitmeister

Posts : 40716
Join date : 2011-02-14
Age : 46
Location : Scotshobbitland

Back to top Go down

Re: Allow me to reintroduce myself

Post by Norc on Sun Sep 16, 2018 5:58 pm

Pettytyrant101 wrote:{{Thanks Eldy for the info- and Ive just realised that means that Forumshire, since the original forum got sold out by Ady, has been exclusively run by women! Shocked  Its like my entire working career all over again!!!! Mad Very Happy }}}
avatar
Norc
Khaleesi

Posts : 19164
Join date : 2011-12-21
Age : 23

http://nimrail.deviantart.com

Back to top Go down

Re: Allow me to reintroduce myself

Post by Eldy on Sun Sep 16, 2018 6:20 pm

halfwise wrote:Hi Eldy - and welcome back!  I take it there's a combination of figuring out and deciding/accepting that you have figured it out.  I'd hazard the second step is the most important, so congratulations on that!

Thanks, halfy! This has been building for a long time and the pace has rapidly accelerated over the past year or so, but it's definitely still a long process. Being able to talk about it openly in certain contexts is helpful, though, and I don't have the words to describe how good it feels to hear people use female pronouns and the name I identify with. It's not something I ever thought I'd get to experience.

I suppose the next step is making the physical transformations so you feel more comfortable with yourself?  This can't be easy not just due to cost and time, but because you have this resolutely rugged looking face.  Maybe some professional advice from drag performers might help.  I think they'd love being helpful, and would be fun.

Er, yeah, there are a number of reasons why presenting differently feels like an uphill battle. My face is definitely one that bothers me; my shoulders too. Neutral At least body hair is something I can address relatively easily. This is all new to me, though. I presented fairly androgynously as a kid without trying to, but that hasn't been the case since I cut my hair when I was ~12. While some trans people crossdress before coming out, my approach (which is not uncommon either) was to primarily wear really loose-fitting clothing to hide the body I wasn't entirely sure why I hated and ignore my appearance as much as I could without attracting undue attention by being too unkempt. Though I was confronted about it by my parents and some of my girlfriends at various points, and it was hard to explain without being clear on the reason for it myself. My body dysphoria was actually relatively mild compared to a lot of trans people (most of my feelings were about other aspects of living as a man) but it's weighing on me more since I've stopped trying to ignore it. At least now I can try to do something about it, though. Shrugging

halfwise wrote:Yeah, true, but they'd fawn over Eldy.  Not really her mileau but it would be fun.  I was a definite introvert until I went to a performing arts school.  I still am, but most people no longer think so.  Performers are very liberating people to be around.

I haven't done professional drag, but I go camping with a group of hang glider folks who used to do what was called the drag races: you dress up in drag, and you race.  People would come from all all the nearby towns to watch.  I found that you definitely need someone who knows what they are doing for makeup.  The older women were very helpful.

There's unfortunately a fair bit of tension between the drag and trans communities. Some--certainly not all--drag queens (RuPaul being the most famous example) are pretty transphobic, though OTOH there are also drag queens who identify as trans (as well as cisgender ones who aren't transphobic). There might be a generation gap in play since gay male transvestism used to be conflated with being transgender (though transsexual was the more common term at the time), whereas modern trans activists have developed a much different paradigm for understanding it. Or multiple paradigms; there's a good deal of disagreement about how to understand and classify things. Various identities and labels are a really complicated subject that I'm hardly in a position of authority to discuss, though.

I've been offered a bit of makeup advice already from people I'm close with and it's probably something I'll try to learn how to do but it's not first on my list of priorities just now. I can't really see myself ever being into using lots of makeup, but who knows. I would definitely like to dress differently, though in the near future I'll probably have to settle for androgynous rather than particularly feminine in most social contexts. I've always hated clothes shopping for what seems, in retrospect, should have been fairly obvious reasons, but the idea that I might--emphasis on the might--be able to look nice in a way that I like is an exciting (and unusual) thought. I'm gonna hit up Goodwill with my sister this week to start to experiment with stuff, which will be the first time in years (buying printed shirts as souvenirs notwithstanding) that I've gone shopping for clothes or shoes without being forced to because something I wore a lot literally fell apart.

Mrs Figg wrote:Welcome back Eldy. Razz  I am glad you have found yourself on the right Road. Its an adventure methinks. Nod

Thank you, Mrs Figg! I love you I think that's an apt description, as my going on and on here may indicate. Razz I'm really grateful for the response from people here! It's definitely an exciting (if also a little intimidating) time.


Last edited by Eldy on Sun Sep 16, 2018 6:54 pm; edited 5 times in total
avatar
Eldy
Loremistress Emerita

Posts : 48
Join date : 2018-06-21
Age : 24
Location : Maryland

Back to top Go down

Re: Allow me to reintroduce myself

Post by Eldy on Sun Sep 16, 2018 6:27 pm

Pettytyrant101 wrote:{{Thanks Eldy for the info- and Ive just realised that means that Forumshire, since the original forum got sold out by Ady, has been exclusively run by women! Shocked  Its like my entire working career all over again!!!! Mad Very Happy }}}

Heh, good point. Razz Poor Odo, though, having been deprived of his respectable patriarchy for so long. Very Happy
avatar
Eldy
Loremistress Emerita

Posts : 48
Join date : 2018-06-21
Age : 24
Location : Maryland

Back to top Go down

Re: Allow me to reintroduce myself

Post by David H on Sun Sep 16, 2018 7:17 pm

Eldy wrote: There might be a generation gap in play since gay male transvestism used to be conflated with being transgender (though transsexual was the more common term at the time), whereas modern trans activists have developed a much different paradigm for understanding it. Or multiple paradigms; there's a good deal of disagreement about how to understand and classify things. Various identities and labels are a really complicated subject that I'm hardly in a position of authority to discuss, though.

I always admired Gore Vidal's lifelong refusal to accept being labeled as anything other than "Human".

Gore Vidal wrote:To create categories is the enslavement of the categorized because the aim of every state is total control over the people who live in it. What better way is there than to categorize according to sex, about which people have so many hang-ups?

Edit:
I guess the question I have for you Eldy, if you don't mind of course, is do you have any general thoughts on the relationship between individual identity and group identity, and who gets to determine if they align?

_________________
 
avatar
David H
Horsemaster, Fighting Bears in the Pacific Northwest

Posts : 6771
Join date : 2011-11-18

Back to top Go down

Re: Allow me to reintroduce myself

Post by Eldy on Sun Sep 16, 2018 11:12 pm

David H wrote:I guess the question I have for you Eldy, if you don't mind of course, is do you have any general thoughts on the relationship between individual identity and group identity, and who gets to determine if they align?

I'm not, generally speaking, opposed to labels, although I like to think I'm a bit better about not getting hung up on them than I was when I was younger. As far as I'm concerned, they're only worthwhile as far as any given individual finds them useful in contextualizing their situation. I don't think that trying to police people's usage of labels--or decision to not use certain labels--for themselves is a productive endeavor, much less respectful. There's some controversy over "gatekeeping" in the trans community* where some people will claim others can't possibly be trans because they don't meet the very specific criteria someone has in mind. Fortunately, everyone I've come across so far has felt otherwise. My sister's main message during our first conversation was that there's no one way to be trans, and that if you feel and identify as trans, that's all it takes to be. Most other people I've talked to have said the same basic thing.

Of course, there are many different ways to be a man or a woman even if you identify with the gender you were assigned at birth. You can be really tomboyish while still being completely comfortable identify as a woman, or you can be really effeminate while still considering yourself a man, or any other permutation. It's all equally legitimate. I think the same thing applies to trans people. One major theme in newer trans theory (though it's not universally accepted) is to draw a distinction between gender expression and gender identity. The important thing isn't if you fit any particular stereotype of being male or female--especially since the stereotypical qualities associated with either gender vary so much throughout history and across different cultures--but whatever gender you feel comfortable identifying as. And that doesn't have to be male or female, of course. You can be trans and nonbinary, or nonbinary without identifying as trans, or genderfluid, agender, etc. The important thing is that you're the only person who can say that about yourself.

[EDIT: I hope this doesn't come off as trivializing the trans experience or being like "it's all in your head so people just say anything" because it's really, really shitty feeling like you're stuck having to live as a gender you aren't without any recourse (I have a hard time describing it because I don't have a frame of reference of what it's like to feel otherwise). For a lot of trans people, feeling like they do or don't meet gender stereotypes or roles is an important part of this. That's not a requirement to be trans and not everyone who dislikes stereotypes associated with their assigned gender is trans, but if you are trans and uncomfortable with them, then changing your behavior to avoid certain stereotypes but still feeling stuck in your assigned gender is probably not going to assuage gender dysphoria very much (that's how it was for me). Not that everyone's experience of dysphoria is the same, but I'm probably repeating myself at this point.]

As far as groups go, I think it's natural for many (probably most?) people to like to find other people with similar experiences who can empathize with their situation and offer each other mutual support, but as mentioned I don't think there should be some sort of authority deciding who can and can't be part of the group. It's not necessary or desirable for everyone in the group to have exactly the same kind of experiences or self-image either. Anyway, I hope this at least sort of answers your question. Smile


*Among many other communities, of course. My thoughts on other types of identities are broadly the same as what's outlined above.
avatar
Eldy
Loremistress Emerita

Posts : 48
Join date : 2018-06-21
Age : 24
Location : Maryland

Back to top Go down

Re: Allow me to reintroduce myself

Post by David H on Mon Sep 17, 2018 12:50 am

Eldy wrote:Anyway, I hope this at least sort of answers your question. Smile

Yes, that's exactly the kind of thoughtful answer I was hoping for.
We've missed you around here! Nod

_________________
 
avatar
David H
Horsemaster, Fighting Bears in the Pacific Northwest

Posts : 6771
Join date : 2011-11-18

Back to top Go down

Re: Allow me to reintroduce myself

Post by halfwise on Mon Sep 17, 2018 5:13 am

Eldy wrote:
There's unfortunately a fair bit of tension between the drag and trans communities. Some--certainly not all--drag queens (RuPaul being the most famous example) are pretty transphobic, though OTOH there are also drag queens who identify as trans (as well as cisgender ones who aren't transphobic). There might be a generation gap in play since gay male transvestism used to be conflated with being transgender (though transsexual was the more common term at the time), whereas modern trans activists have developed a much different paradigm for understanding it. Or multiple paradigms; there's a good deal of disagreement about how to understand and classify things. Various identities and labels are a really complicated subject that I'm hardly in a position of authority to discuss, though.

Good Lord, sounds as bad as American Protestantism.   silent

If you get a chance go up to Provincetown, Cape Cod on Halloween.  Many of the bars have fallen into one camp or the other, but the Governor Bradford caters to all, and is a very supportive environment.  Even us straight guys who sort of didn't belong could feel the warmth.  Of course there's many other places like that.

_________________
Halfwise, son of Halfwit. Brother of Nitwit, son of Halfwit. Half brother of Figwit.
Then it gets complicated...
avatar
halfwise
Quintessence of Burrahobbitry

Posts : 14411
Join date : 2012-02-01
Location : rustic broom closet in farthing of Manhattan

Back to top Go down

Re: Allow me to reintroduce myself

Post by Eldy on Mon Sep 17, 2018 6:01 am

David H wrote:Yes, that's exactly the kind of thoughtful answer I was hoping for.
We've missed you around here! Nod

Oh you. Embarassed

halfwise wrote:Good Lord, sounds as bad as American Protestantism.    silent

If you get a chance go up to Provincetown, Cape Cod on Halloween.  Many of the bars have fallen into one camp or the other, but the Governor Bradford caters to all, and is a very supportive environment.  Even us straight guys who sort of didn't belong could feel the warmth.  Of course there's many other places like that.

Well put. Laughing I've heard good things about P-town before so maybe it'll be worth a trip some day, though bars in general aren't really my scene.
avatar
Eldy
Loremistress Emerita

Posts : 48
Join date : 2018-06-21
Age : 24
Location : Maryland

Back to top Go down

Re: Allow me to reintroduce myself

Post by azriel on Mon Sep 17, 2018 1:33 pm

Hello Eldy. Ive skipped past earlier posts as Im late going out, I just wanted to say I feel happy for you Smile I don't really think you were truly at one with yourself but, if you feel you are now you dam well stick to it you hear !! you bloody well be YOU Smile I wish you so much good things but most of all I wish you peace Smile Smile Right, I gotta go

_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



avatar
azriel
Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr

Posts : 13791
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 58
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.

Back to top Go down

Re: Allow me to reintroduce myself

Post by Ringdrotten on Mon Sep 17, 2018 8:18 pm

Hi there, Eldy! First off, let me say how nice it is to read that you are very happy to be posting this here - I'm glad you feel that comfortable around us, I can't imagine how hard all of this must have been on you. It certainly sheds some light on why you've been struggling. Just want to say I'm happy for you, and all amounts of kudos your way for accepting yourself for who you feel you are, many people never do that. Then again, it is the smart thing to do, and you're one of the brightest people I know. I've never known an openly trans person, so if I too screw up with the pronouns, bear with me - I'll adapt fast enough I hope. Best of luck to you, and welcome back - I hope you're in a happier place and state of mind now Smile

_________________
“The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want for nothing. He makes me lie down in the green pastures. He greases up my head with oil. He gives me kung-fu in the face of my enemies. Amen”. - Tom Cullen


avatar
Ringdrotten
Mrs Bear Grylls

Posts : 4495
Join date : 2011-02-13

Back to top Go down

Re: Allow me to reintroduce myself

Post by Eldy on Tue Sep 18, 2018 2:22 am

azriel wrote:Hello Eldy. Ive skipped past earlier posts as Im late going out, I just wanted to say I feel happy for you Smile I don't really think you were truly at one with yourself but, if you feel you are now you dam well stick to it you hear !! you bloody well be YOU Smile  I wish you so much good things but most of all I wish you peace Smile Smile Right, I gotta go

Thanks, azriel! This process has been a little intimidating already (and it still hasn't been very long since I started talking about this to other people) but I think it's good for me, and as you guys probably know it takes me a long time in any context to decide if a course of action is right. Razz It helps a lot to get support and encouragement, of course, so thanks again. Smile

Ringdrotten wrote:Hi there, Eldy! First off, let me say how nice it is to read that you are very happy to be posting this here - I'm glad you feel that comfortable around us, I can't imagine how hard all of this must have been on you. It certainly sheds some light on why you've been struggling. Just want to say I'm happy for you, and all amounts of kudos your way for accepting yourself for who you feel you are, many people never do that. Then again, it is the smart thing to do, and you're one of the brightest people I know. I've never known an openly trans person, so if I too screw up with the pronouns, bear with me - I'll adapt fast enough I hope. Best of luck to you, and welcome back - I hope you're in a happier place and state of mind now Smile

Hey Ringo, thanks so much for being understanding and for all your kind words! It really means a lot that you (and everyone else, of course) are so cool about the name and pronoun thing. Smile I think there are a lot of elements to my mental health struggles, some of which I've been able to isolate and address to some extent, but there's always been this fundamental sense of wrongness about myself the reasons for which I could only guess at. I dunno that gender is the extent of it and I don't really expect to ever be "cured" of depression, but the idea that one of the causes might be something I can take specific, concrete steps to mitigate is incredibly exciting. It's frustrating in some ways that it took this long to put the pieces together, but on the other hand I wouldn't have been a place to do much about it a couple years ago when I had a poorer grip on my mental health, so I suppose things happen in their own time and all that.
avatar
Eldy
Loremistress Emerita

Posts : 48
Join date : 2018-06-21
Age : 24
Location : Maryland

Back to top Go down

Re: Allow me to reintroduce myself

Post by azriel on Tue Sep 18, 2018 1:43 pm

I believe in fate, I think things happen for a reason & in their own good time. Life has its own way of slotting in & fitting in. Some things in life you can push & make it go your way & other things you just gotta let it flow like a river & sail lazily with it. It all becomes obvious in the end & often it feels so like the right thing to do or to be. Finding yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself. When your small & people say "what do you want to be when you grow up ?", 1st off, how the hell do I know ! Ive got no idea. I felt pressure as a child to find a job, be a nurse ? work in a shop ? what ?! What I should have focused on was, what do I want to be ? what person am I ? We all need to know OUR own identity, we are not drones churning out a factory life like something Orwell wrote, we are all so multi faceted, as Ive said before we are all diamonds. It took me a long time to be me, to find out who I really am & now I don't give a flying F*%$K what people think about me Smile If you don't like me, I don't mind, just ignore me Smile and likewise, you can be "you" Smile its true what is said " be kind to yourself", its a great feeling & helps you finally LIVE. You've got all your life to enjoy being what you want to be & that sometimes can be a long long time ! One thing Ive learnt is, don't collect regrets, they are not stamps or books or vinyls, all they do is play on your mind & haunt you. You may not be able to go back & change things but, you can start now to make a change, & if people make remarks, be it kind or stupid, don't worry, You need both sun & rain to make a flower bloom Smile

_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got



avatar
azriel
Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr

Posts : 13791
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 58
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.

Back to top Go down

Re: Allow me to reintroduce myself

Post by malickfan on Thu Sep 20, 2018 9:04 pm

Hey Eldy glad to see you back again, I'm not all that great at talking about through these heavy issues and I am rather tired so if I come across as ignorant, rambling nonsense or use the wrong pronouns etc, please correct me.

Other members here have probably put this much better than I can or will so I'll just keep this short, and say how very happy I am for you  Smile , it certainly sheds some light on some of your previous struggles, and having known several Mtf transgender women (though I lost contact with both years ago and they went through the transition after I lost touch with them) I realise what a huge, soul searching decision this will have been, very proud of you and thankful you feel comfortable and trusting enough of us all the reveal this publicly on the forum. All the best moving forward in the future, I hope you feel happier in yourself having accepted the true you, we are all here to support you moving forward, as you have done for many of us in the past (myself included) with so much wisdom and friendship, you are a clever, wonderful human being Eldy and you deserve to be truly happy in the way that best feels true to you.

And screw it...I'm not so sure if this is good timing and I don't want to derail this thread..but since you feel comfortable enough to talk about this publicly on the forum I may as well make an related announcement of my own...I'm an occasional *crossdresser myself Smile and it took getting an amazing girlfriend to realise that I'm am actually bi-curious myself scratch ...thankfully she's fully supportive of this and found it exciting more than anything Laughing ...indeed she's actually bisexual herself, and slightly jealous of how well my curves can pull off a dress (...which probably explains why I own more than she does Laughing )...sexuality and gender is a beautifully diverse spectrum, but wherever any of us sits on that scale I think we are all deserving of love and respect if we are true to ourselves, and not hurting anyone else in the process.

*Please don't think I'm equating crossdressing with being Trans, I occasionally enjoy dressing up as a woman I have no desire to be one (don't think I'd pass with the bushy Captain Birdseye esque ginger beard anyway), whereas I wish you all the best moving forward Eldy in becoming the person you are at heart

_________________
The Thorin: An Unexpected Rewrite December 2012 (I was on the money apparently)
The Tauriel: Desolation of Canon December 2013 (Accurate again!)
The Sod-it! : Battling my Indifference December 2014 (You know what they say, third time's the charm)

Well, that was worth the wait wasn't it  Suspect


I think what comes out of a pig's rear end is more akin to what Peejers has given us-Azriel 20/9/2014
avatar
malickfan
Adventurer

Posts : 4379
Join date : 2013-09-10
Age : 26
Location : The (Hamp)shire, England

Back to top Go down

Re: Allow me to reintroduce myself

Post by Eldy on Fri Sep 21, 2018 5:18 am

Hey malick, it's good to see you here too. Smile Thank you for your encouragement and everything! I'm pretty optimistic about things at this point which is a little surprising and says something that this is able to outweigh school stress for the most part and help my overall mood. Hopefully a sign of good things to come. I'm glad that your girlfriend is supportive of you in your own sexuality and crossdressing, though I'm afraid I may also be jealous of people with curves. Razz
avatar
Eldy
Loremistress Emerita

Posts : 48
Join date : 2018-06-21
Age : 24
Location : Maryland

Back to top Go down

Page 1 of 2 1, 2  Next

Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum