The Needlehole Mysteries

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Post by Pettytyrant101 on Sat Jan 28, 2012 5:33 am

Eldo's feelings are beside the point- assuming he has any- he is an Admin afterall.


Last edited by Pettytyrant101 on Sat Jan 28, 2012 5:34 am; edited 2 times in total

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Post by odo banks on Sat Jan 28, 2012 5:34 am

Pardon?

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Post by Pettytyrant101 on Sat Jan 28, 2012 5:35 am

Indeed you are pardoned, but never excused!

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Post by Orwell on Sat Jan 28, 2012 5:35 am

Good one, Centurion! Very Happy

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Post by Mirabella on Sat Jan 28, 2012 5:37 am

You two. Rolling Eyes I can imagine just how Eldo will be feeling just now.
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Post by Orwell on Sat Jan 28, 2012 5:37 am

A girl would, I s'pose. Suspect

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Post by Pettytyrant101 on Sat Jan 28, 2012 5:39 am

I'm sure you can Mirabella- makes a change from you knowing what Pretty feels like!

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Post by Mirabella on Sat Jan 28, 2012 5:40 am

A gentlehobbit wouldn't bring up things like that in polite company, would he, Petty? Rolling Eyes
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Post by Pettytyrant101 on Sat Jan 28, 2012 5:44 am

If I ever meet one I'll ask him Mirabella.
But you do know cavorting with a Tyrant makes you an honory Tyrant or didn't Pretty tell you that bit? She tends to leave things like that out. So you had better be on the right side of the coal scuttle argument Mirabella or you may find Pretty more than upset. And you know what she can be like when she gets upset. Nod

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Post by Mirabella on Sat Jan 28, 2012 5:53 am

{{{Actually, Pretty has popped the question. But you mustn't tell anyone until our Official Announcement. I've put up a photo of myself in the dress! It's so exciting! But pleeease don't let the rumour out. If Purist Publications get a hold of it... I mean, you know how they love a scoop! Rolling Eyes }}}
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Post by Pettytyrant101 on Sat Jan 28, 2012 5:57 am

{{{{ Shocked A Banks/Tyrant marriage alliance! Noooooo! Pretty is this just to spite me. And Mirabella I can only imagine what your Uncle Odo will say if this were to leak to the press}}}}

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Post by odo banks on Sat Jan 28, 2012 5:58 am

{{{Bella, why pray tell have you put up a photo of yourself in a wedding dress as your avatar? Not having Wedding Fantasies again, I hope. You'll find a good gentlehobbit, trusty and strong with child producing loins, one day, I'm sure of it. You just need to be patient, my dear. I have confidence in you, I really do. Very Happy }}}

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Post by Mirabella on Sat Jan 28, 2012 6:01 am

{{{I just like the dress, Uncle. That's all it is. Embarassed }}}

{{{Petty, on your honour as a Scosthobbit. You can't let this leak. Once the preparations are in place, then it will be too late for Uncle Odo to stop us. Forget your grievances with Pretty and we Bankses. You mustn't do anything to curtail our love... Sad }}}
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Post by Eldorion on Sat Jan 28, 2012 6:17 am

You guys. Rolling Eyes Laughing
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Post by Mirabella on Sat Jan 28, 2012 6:21 am

Oooh, I just love your tale. The characters seem so familiar somehow. Or do they just seem like that because they're sooo realistic? I do hope there's a happy ending though. Can I suggest a wedding, Eldo? We ladies do like that kind of thing. I love you
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Post by Pettytyrant101 on Sat Jan 28, 2012 6:26 am

{{I promise Mirabella if the story leaks it certainly did not come from me, particularly not for a record breaking buckie fee- no indeed- but Pure Publications are award wining for a reason you know so be careful}}}

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Post by Amarië on Sat Jan 28, 2012 6:52 am

Awwww... you guys have NO IDEA how disappointed I am to come here and find 3 pages but only one story update since yesterday... Sad
But I must admit that the dress looks amazing on you, Mirabella! Gorgeous, gorgeous, GORGEOUS! Very Happy

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Post by Pettytyrant101 on Sat Jan 28, 2012 6:54 am

Blame the author Amarie! Hours its been without an update- you'd think he had something better to do! Evil or Very Mad

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Post by Orwell on Sat Jan 28, 2012 6:58 am

Can only blame himself really. Very Happy

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Post by Eldorion on Sat Jan 28, 2012 6:59 am

Don't worry Amarie, the story is still in progress and there will be another update as soon as I proofread it. Very Happy
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Post by odo banks on Sat Jan 28, 2012 7:03 am

{{{Orwell, I have a horrible feeling Amarie can break encryption spells! Shocked }}}


{{{Petty, I have a horrible feeling Amarie can break encryption spells! Shocked}}}


{{{Bella, I have a horrible feeling Amarie can break encryption spells! Shocked }}}


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Post by Amarië on Sat Jan 28, 2012 7:04 am

Eldorion wrote:Don't worry Amarie, the story is still in progress and there will be another update as soon as I proofread it. Very Happy
cheers


Last edited by Amarië on Sat Jan 28, 2012 7:06 am; edited 1 time in total

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Post by Eldorion on Sat Jan 28, 2012 7:05 am

The Mystery of the Coal Scuttle

Part 4



“Yes, well,” said DI Eldo, trying to break the ice. “Mr Banks, I need to ask you if you know anything about Petty's disappearance last night. Mirabella told us you had a personal interest in the matter.”

“Of course I do!” exclaimed Odo. “I don't know what happened to Petty, but that skulking, thieving Scotshobbit deserves anything that happens to him! He broke into my house last night, drunk as a skunk, and stole a prized family heirloom, passed down the Banks family line for generations. My Coal Scuttle is missing!”


“Your what?” said Sgt. Herring in a tone of incredulity.

“My prized family Coal Scuttle, an ancient relic from the earliest origins of the McBanks Clan. It has been the cause of endless trouble with the disreputable and usually inebriated McTyrant Clan, but it is worth every last drop of blood, sweat, and tears to preserve our heritage and our honor!”

“I take your meaning,” said Sgt. Herring in a way that made it clear he did not.

“I'm sure we all keenly feel your tragedy over the Coal Scuttle, Mr Banks,” said DI Eldo, trying to be diplomatic. “But I'm afraid we do have a missing Hobbit on our hands and this is a murder investigation. So I'm going to have to ask you to put your personal feelings aside and assist us.”

“Put aside personal feelings about a Tyrant? Preposterous!” scoffed Odo R. Banks, Esq.

“It's a real shame then,” said DI Eldo, giving a theatrical yawn. “Without such a stimulating case to work on, Sgt. Herring and I will have to move on to some of the lower-priority ones. I heard something about a break in at Our Lady's. Apparently there's a panty-thief on the loose. Let's go, Herring, I'm sure we can make better headway on that.”

“NO!” cried out Odo in considerable distress. “I mean, no, wait, I think I can help you with the Tyrant case. Or I know someone who can. My cousin Biffo is practically nocturnal so he was up all last night. He must have seen something!”

DI Eldo gave a smug smile. “Lead the way.”

* * *

The three Hobbits, one of them still sweating profusely, entered a small, run-down shack in the back of the Banks Estate. The inside was almost entirely filled by a large bed, upon which lay the stockiest, most muscled Hobbit either policeman had ever seen.

“My cousin, the indescribable Biffo Banks!” said Odo with a nervous giggle and a bit of a flourish. “Er...” The most respectable of Hobbits picked up a long iron firepoker that had been lying on the floor. “You might want to step back,” he warned his companions.

Stepping forward bravely, Odo beat Biffo soundly over the backside with the poker while screaming “GET UP! GET UP! I NEED A DISTRACTION!” The muscled Hobbit grunted in response and rolled over to face his assailant.

“Oi, hoozzat dar? Iz dat yoo, Peetee?”

DI Eldo frowned and took out a notebook and a pencil and began to scribble. “No, I'm Detective Inspector Eldorion of the State Police. I'd like to ask you a few questions about Mr Petty Tyrant. Do you know him?”

“Difictiv Insector Eeldoria?”

“Come again?”

“Oo yoo sai yoo ar agin?”

“I am DI Eldorion; I'm a police officer. I require your cooperation in a criminal investigation concerning the disappearance of an individual that I believe you are acquainted with.”

“Wuzziz 'akkaintid' meen?”

DI Eldo was loosing his patience with the slow-witted Banks, but he took a deep breath and tried again from the start. “Was Petty here last night?”

“Yar, he bee unda da beed steel.”

The DI frowned at that. “Sergeant, would you check under the good Hobbit's bed and tell me what you see there?”

“Certainly, sir!” said Sgt. Herring, though he felt considerably less enthusiasm at kneeling down in this shack than he expressed. “Oh, sweet Eru. There's a dead goat under here. No … I think I can get it out.”

Giving a mighty pull, Sgt. Herring extracted what appeared to be the carcass of some extremely hairy animal. It was only after a minute, when the thing on the floor began to writhe and spout out nonsense sounds, that anyone realized it was alive.

“Fookin och sunlight nee bloody sporran noch English aye leid fook och!” spouted the thing on the floor.

“Peetee!” cried Biffo with what appeared to be delight. “Yoor ookay. I din 'member what hap yoo last nite.”

“Fook off Biffo, ya fat oaf, Ah nearly drownded an ony jus' carwled bak here b'for dawn.”

“What the hell?” said Sgt. Herring.

“I do believe that this is our missing Scotshobbit,” said DI Eldo. “I'm no expert but I've had to decipher some strange accents in my time, and I believe that Petty is saying that he and Biffo were doing something last night and he almost died.”

“I understand now,” said Sgt. Herring quickly. “I know from, ah, well I just know that there are some things people do together that can be quite dangerous, so it's important to take the proper precautions and … uh …”

DI Eldo scowled at his foreign subordinate and shook his head. “I'm never going to understand you Fjordlandians. But to the case at hand!” He cleared his throat. “Petty, if you could spare a moment, I need to know what happened to you last night. You've got all Needlehole in an uproar.”

“Och, the silly laddies don' noo what they talkin' aboot,” replied Petty. “Ah was jus'- Ah was jus'-” but he seemed unable to complete his thought.

“If you need a little longer to recover, I understand,” said DI Eldo as gently as he could.

“Nah, 's not that, Ah jus' cannae remember a thing from las' night. It's like me whole brain was wiped clean.” The Scotshobbit did not seem terribly distressed, as if this was a normal occurrence.

“Do you remember anything about a Coal Scuttle?” asked DI Eldo urgently.

“Not a peep!” replied Petty. “Ah can tell ye about the troo history of it if ye like, tho!”

“We'll pass,” said DI Eldo. “Thank you for your help, it was, shall we say, invaluable. And try to stay out of trouble for at least the next few days while I'm around.”

* * *

As the two policemen excused themselves and left the Banks Estate as quickly as they could, Sgt. Herring turned to the DI. “What was all that about, then?”

“There are two possibilities. One is that the matter of Petty Tyrant and the matter of the Coal Scuttle are unrelated, and the timing is just coincidence. The other is that Petty Tyrant was involved in the stealing of the Coal Scuttle but became so inebriated that he doesn't remember it himself.”

“How are we supposed to know which is the truth, though?”

“We'll need to look for physical evidence! Petty mentioned drowning, so we can start with the nearest body of water: Banks Lake.”
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Post by Pettytyrant101 on Sat Jan 28, 2012 7:23 am

It must be true I dont remember any of it! Shocked drunken

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Post by Amarië on Sat Jan 28, 2012 7:26 am

Pettytyrant101 wrote:It must be true I dont remember any of it! Shocked drunken
lol!

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